Tasting the End

Photo Credit: images.clipartpanda.com

For years I have perfected the art of pepper tasting. Through strenuous trial and error, my taste buds have become accustomed to the searing pain of uncontrollable fire. I have conquered many peppers, from the elusive ghost pepper to the deathly sting of a Carolina reaper. With each victory, fighting through tears and sweat, I gain more confidence. Deep inside the bowels of my being, there is still an insatiable appetite for more.

There is only one place on the planet that has met my desire for fire. It's mascot smiled at me as I walked underneath it to the wood paneled interior of my domain. The name implies an ornate design full of royalty and extravagance, but the reality of it's existence lies in the simple fact that only true masters can walk out of there alive. Welcome to the Pepper Palace.

As I walked into my trial, my fiance swiftly shot me a gentle but concerned glance. Are you sure you want to do this? Her eyes whispered to mine. With strong, manly confidence, I nodded my head and walked to the counter. From my past experiences I've learned that the "hottest" sauce in this shop is a  shifting entity. Pepper Palace is constantly experimenting with new concoctions that are hotter than the last, or use different peppers, or are an altogether different kind of spicy delicacy that only true warriors can appreciate. Usually, these sauces are named something ridiculous, like "Barnie's Butt Burner Sauce", or "Hottest Hot Sauce in the World" complete with a little pepper flying around the globe.

I expected a crazy name for the sauce as I walked up and asked what the "hottest" sauce was THIS time. The lady looked at me, and then quickly shot a look at my fiance, who kept her distance away from the counter. She could sense the tension in the air and didn't want to face the flames. My eyes glanced at the big sign and were greeted by a simple title. It confused and amused me. "The End" the bottle read, and I glanced back at the lady. That's the hottest sauce?

It's foreboding bottle was dripping with black goo, and an ominous warning label that warned of what could happen. One of the side effects was truly terrifying. Loss of consciousness. Most peppers had labels that warned of hiccups, or even vomiting in extreme cases, but this was new to me. This pepper, if my body couldn't handle it, would actually knock me out cold. A shudder shot up my spine as I looked at the lady and back at the bottle. What did they do this time?

No pepper ever conquered me before, and this won't be the first one, I told myself as I signed the waiver of possible doom. My signature was messy as usual, but I didn't care. My fiance just shook her head and looked at me. Here we go.

With a stern look I reached out and grabbed the chip with the little dab of darkness patiently waiting to be devoured. I slipped it into my eager mouth, chewed and swallowed. After just a few seconds, I realized my mistake. When tasting peppers, especially potentially dangerous ones, you're not supposed to let the goo slip onto your taste buds. But, without realizing it, I cracked the chip and spilled the sauce directly onto my tongue. The liquid then proceeded to travel throughout the rest of my mouth and eventually down my throat where it belonged.

For the first few seconds, my body had no reaction whatsoever. I stood there speechless, looking around the store in bewilderment. Was this really the hottest hot sauce? A simple little dab of nothing that ceased to impress me? I almost started to laugh until I realized my tongue wouldn't move. My body froze as I realized the true terror of what was happening. The searing pain of the intense heat was merely receding, like the ocean before a tsunami. Then it crashed.

Tears poured out of my eyes as the sudden shock of heat erupted inside of my exposed mouth. Everything burned, from the tip of my tongue to the back of my throat. Little coughs escaped from my lungs as I tried to catch my breath. My fiance looked at me in terror as I continued to breathe in and out, gasping for oxygen. Every breath I took ignited further flames in my mouth like a wild brush fire in the Savannah.

A sudden tinge of regret stretched across my suffering face as I tried my best to keep it together. I will not fall, I told myself as I looked at the lady and thanked her for letting me try it. It was getting difficult to see as my eyes drained tears out of their drying sockets. Finally, I gave in.

I decided to get some fudge that we had bought earlier. It wasn't completely quenching the fire, like drinking milk would've done, but I couldn't allow myself to do that. I was going to conquer this sauce, even if a little bit of assistance was needed. With a quick glance to my fiance, I said "Baybeicanhavesfudeg?"

It was at that moment that I forgot my tongue wasn't fully operational. She looked at me, confused. "BayebahveIfugede?" I repeated myself and pointed at the bag. Each swallow of my saliva burned my throat further, leaving me gasping for air, which reignited the fire that I eventually swallowed again. It was an uncomfortable loop of spicy suffering. If I could just have some of that chocolatey piece of heaven I'd be okay.

She eventually got the message and handed me a gooey chunk to slide into my burning mouth. The sweet sensation slid around my mouth, dousing the fire in a swirl of chocolate and delicious caramel. Within half an hour, the fire died down, except for little burps that were like embers in the back of my throat. The pain of the pepper lingered for hours after the experience. Thankfully, I did not lose consciousness and was perfectly functional that evening.

After the incident, my fiance just stared at me with her beautiful brown eyes. I looked into hers and asked, "What?" She took a deep breath, and wiped away the tears from my sore eyes and a smile crept across her face. "What?" I repeated as I sniffed and wiped away the liquid from my leaking nose. "I'm okay! It was fun." I said and smiled, still feeling the little embers searing the back of my sensitive throat.

"Baby, I love you, but you're an idiot." She said, and walked away with a playful smile stretched across her face.

If you want to try "The End" or other amazing hot sauces, here is the website for Pepper Palace.

http://www.pepperpalace.com/