Thursday, April 27, 2017

I don't really know how to begin this post. Usually I have a few ideas that could be elegantly written to my gracious readers, but this time I have drawn a blank. It's an empty paper sitting amidst the mad scribbled notes of a man who thinks too much. The thoughts are there, they would just rather occupy space that is relevant only to the man who wrote them, instead of to the audience he wishes they would entertain.

Coaxing these thoughts to arrange themselves nicely in an organized blog post is like asking a lion to nicely fit into the cage you built for it. It may saunter over to the bars and sniff a bit, but will refuse to enter. Thoughts in their natural habitat are not meant to be contained in static words, but in fluid consciousness. They flutter and flow around the internal workings of my mind until I grab one and speak it aloud. Then they enter into the mind of another individual and enjoy the same way of life.

But paper, even a white page consisting of code, is different. Within these four corners is a cell meant to hold something truly infinite. Words are only a representation of what a thought could mean, not the entirety of the thought itself. By writing out this estimation of thought, I can encapsulate it well enough to show you what I'm thinking. Not everything I'm thinking of course, or you'd be driven crazy by the scribbles on my walls.

It's kind of funny how this post started off as a blank page, but is now turning into something unique. What started off as a post devoid of a preconceived idea is now hosting a thought that relates to those of us who get frustrated drawing a blank. So the question is, what exactly is drawing a blank? Is it the feeling you get when you cannot release the thoughts pent up in your head? Or, is it the belief that there are times when your mind is empty and therefore unable to conjure up a thought to communicate?

What if drawing a blank was something else entirely? What if it actually opens the door to creativity instead of shutting it? There are times when organization is necessary, such as the development of a large scale creative endeavor like a film or a stage production, but where do you think those ideas came from? The best ideas don't show themselves to crowds. An idea is a shy creature that only reveals itself to those of us that are tuned into the natural flow of our innate creativity. You cannot force it to come out of hiding. Especially if you yell at it.

Drawing a blank is not the process of presenting nothing to an audience expecting something from you. It is the calm silence used as bait to attract a new idea. When I started writing this blog, I had no ideas. I tried ripping the scribbled thoughts off of the wall in my mind and pasting them onto this piece of paper, but I failed. It sounded forced and insincere. No one would have enjoyed reading those thoughts, because they were prisoners to my unbending desire for immediate results.

By drawing that blank, I gave an open invitation to the idea I am currently writing. But, I had to take the initial step. In order to fully express this idea, I had to write the first sentence. Each keystroke had to have the intent of letting the idea present itself in this post, not as a whip cracking at the thoughts in my mind to align themselves. I didn't try forcing the lion into a cage, but instead approached the lion in it's natural habitat, where it felt free. Then, in order to capture a snapshot of it, I fed it the diet it craved.

Ideas crave the opportunity to reveal themselves to a willing listener. They wander around looking for someone to pay them attention, but too scared of the abuse an untrained mind subjects them to. An untrained mind tries to capture the entirety of a thought, instead of an artistic impression that represents it. Our thoughts, especially the elusive creativity we seek, do not like our feeble attempts to hold them in our cells. Instead, they should be referenced and revered.

So, next time you feel like you're drawing a blank, remember this. Don't let time sensitive deadlines and other pressures disturb the peace in your mind. Chaos is the enemy of creativity. Instead, remain calm and venture out into the wilderness of whimsy. Drawing a blank is not a lack of vision, creative talent or discipline.

It is the silent invitation for true creativity to reveal itself.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Sometimes you just want to relax. After a long, difficult day at work you just want to sit back and prop your feet up with a pleasant refreshment in your hand. With a little mixing of liquid and a shaking of the ice, you have yourself a soothing, smooth drink with a slight burn on the way down. Yes, a perfect delight.
Some may argue that drinking is not good for you, and in this article I am not claiming that the drinks are. What I am saying is that the relaxing effects of these concoctions can lend a helping hand in relieving stress in the evening hours, or even during the day if you have access to them. It goes without saying that I am only encouraging drinking in moderation, since anything outside of a moderate intake can lead to negative results.
This is certain. The uncertainty lies in how to partake in the drinks effectively, not in the negative effects of the drinks in excess. Until now, a lot of people may not understand the art of the mixed drink, which is why I’m here to elaborate. A lot of people believe that the only way to drink is out of a can or bottle, in a homogeneous mixture crafted in a factory somewhere. Although the drinks themselves are pleasant, I am here to suggest an alternative. Why not open a couple of cans with a friend, mix the two drinks together, and enjoy the wonderful collision of flavor? In a startling moment of enlightenment, I realized what I had been missing all along. It’s not that people do not wish to mix drinks, it is that they do not know how.
The fear of the unknown drives them to immediately reject any notion that lies beyond the simplistic, linear flavor of a predetermined beverage. Why take the risk if a drink tastes just as good without the worry of failure? There is no reason to waste well established formulas in the pursuit of a flavorful thrill. In this, you are wrong.
What I am experiencing, as many of you may have at some point in your life, is a sudden desire to rid myself of monotony, and to experience a masterpiece of culinary art. You see, just because you don’t know how to do something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it. I’ve wasted many drinks in the pursuit of the perfect fusion, but it didn’t stop me. Now I understand what it takes to remove my boredom and embrace boldness.
In this article I will discuss three of the most common types of drinks you may come across as you pursue this newly found love of liquid. Let us begin with my favorite type of drink. Light colored citrus.
This may sound generic at first glance, but the complexity of this category extends beyond the it’s simplistic definition. Light colored citrus drinks come in a variety of forms including cans, bottles, and even the tap. It’s easy to spot drinks in this category because of their vibrant, green and yellow colors. Good examples of this include Le’ Dew, Up-de-Siete’, and YeMello. All three of these have smooth flavors, sparkling with carbonation and are sweet to the taste. These are the easiest to mix because their flavor profiles are not too bold to prevent a pleasant pairing with similar drinks. In fact, it is best to keep the light colored citrus within it’s own family. For example, Rojo-de-Code’ can blend with Oute’ Blanco quite easily. The red, cherry infused flavor of a well chilled Rojo-de-Code’ mixes with the soft, citrus bite of the Oute’ Blanco, but would not go well with a Peppiere Doctor. Even though there is a cherry flavored Peppiere Doctor, is it different because it is of the bold, dark variety, which we will discuss later.
Now is later. The bold, dark variety of drinks is characterized by it’s dark color, and it’s stubborn inability to mix well with others. Drinks within this category are known for intense flavor and unique tastes, such as Peppiere Doctor, Cola Coca, and Pie’pise’. These are wonderful beverages to enjoy by themselves, but when added to other drinks, their flavors dominate. You may catch a subtle hint of Oute’ Blanco in your Oute’ Peppiere, but most likely the Peppiere Doctor will dominate the cup, or cause a sensory conflict across your taste buds. It’s best to stay away from crossing these boundaries unless you want to waste time with measuring out the perfect proportions for each drink. Personally, I’d rather just crack open a couple of cans and pour them into a cup without measuring them. The science behind Sodacology is a deep well of information of which I do not wish to bore you with. This article is just an overview, not an in depth thesis.
(For a more in depth look at Proportional Sodacology, reference Dr. Pepper’s study called “Sodacology, a Study of Soda in Society Today”. (Pepper, 2017))
You may have noticed that I left out the third category, of which I will briefly discuss in my conclusion. There is one particular variety of drink that is sparingly used in the art of mixing, and is one that I do not partake of myself. It does not fit in the first two categories because of chemical differences that drastically alter it’s content and flavor. The proper term for it is Dietilicious Die’Sucrose. In short, diet. There is nothing else to discuss.
I hope that you have found this article to be somewhat enlightening in your endeavor to enjoy a cold beverage. With this knowledge, I hope to inspire you all to start experimenting with the lonely sodas in your fridge and let me know what results you come up with! It’s a truly wonderful experience that I highly recommend to any Soda Connoisseur.
Happy Drinking!
Jonathan

Thursday, April 20, 2017


Photo Credit: www.dreamstime.com

Sometimes, there are things in life that we take for granted. We are so used to the every day luxuries of our existence that we forget to be thankful for them, or to critically observe their importance. Today, I am not discussing the importance of toilet paper, nor of it’s role in our lives. That is self explanatory and of a slightly crude nature to which I deem unnecessary to delve into. In short, you know why you use toilet paper. If you don’t use it, then everyone else knows.
So you may be asking yourselves what the title is referring to if I am not discussing the importance of toilet paper. What is this “truth”? Well, it is a simple concept that many don’t take time to notice. Take a break from this article for a second and observe your bathroom. Look at the toilet paper roll near your commode. Hopefully you have one, if you don’t then disregard all of this.
How is it positioned? Do the loose squares lie lazily on top of the pure, white roll? Or do they gently tuck underneath the arrangement, leaving a smooth, white finish on top? Or are you one of those few, weird, eccentric individuals who put the roll vertically on top of the back of the toilet, or somewhere else in the room until you need it? If you are in this category, then you may want to invest in a toilet paper holder, preferably as close to the toilet as possible while retaining the necessary distance so you can take care of business.
You see? You would have never thought about the importance of these three main toilet paper arrangements if you didn’t take the time and look. Each setting of the roll has pros and cons. Let’s start with the first one.
If you are one of those who let the paper lie on top of the roll, you are doing it incorrectly. By allowing your toilet paper to roll in this fashion, you are making it very difficult on yourself. Think about it this way. Once you are finished with all of your bodily processes, you may need toilet paper. When you reach for it, you will have to reach back across your body in order to pull out the proper amount of tissue. This is improper form. By doing this, you are obstructing the flow of toilet paper, and are moving your body in a way it was not designed for while sitting on the toilet. Unless you enjoy unnecessary movement, I’d suggest staying away from the first arrangement, unless you are very tall. Then you can lift up from the roll and get as much paper as you need. On a minor note, the toilet paper lying on top of the roll appears messy to guests, and can interfere with the desired result of having a well kept toilet paper arrangement in your bathroom, which is important in high class societies.
The second arrangement is much more efficient. By allowing the toilet paper to gently tuck underneath the roll, you are able to pull down and acquire as much as you desire. That rhymed. Anyways, back to the point. Your arm is naturally made to use up and down motions. That is why we have elbows, to allow for that kind of movement. By pulling down on the toilet paper roll, you are able to use natural momentum, and spin the paper around til you have what you need. Simple. Efficient. Beautiful. Also, when addressing people of higher society, and they want to use your lavatory, you can humbly mention the cleanly state of your toilet paper roll. This always impresses people in the upper echelon of society. Trust me, I should know.
If you leave your toilet paper vertically standing in your bathroom, then there may be a slight issue with the tissue. See, you may think you will remember to retrieve it, but in the case of a gastrointestinal emergency, you may forget. What then? Will you waddle your way over to it from across the room, hoping to not trip over the cloth laden trap at your feet? It’s nonsense! Just invest in a toilet paper roll holder, and you’ll be okay. Now, for those who put their toilet paper on the back of the toilet, I feel sorry for you. The upper class will surely vacate your house upon discovering the inefficient manner by which you store your valuable toilet tissue. And if you’re anything like me, you want to impress your guests, not distress them. Especially if they are distinguished guests, which I have slightly less often than most people I’ve come into contact with.
In conclusion, which is hard to draw considering there is much more to discover through the science of toiletology, of which I have a distinguished BS in, the arrangement of toilet paper is important in the development of society, and of differentiating those who are well off in life with those who need further assistance. This is only my humble opinion of course, so take it as you will, but I will mention one last point. Pulling down is safe and sound, while pulling away will waste your day. Take this to heart next time you…never mind. Have a wonderful day.
Dr. Jonathan Shuffler, MD in Toiletology

Monday, April 17, 2017


Photo Credit: www.facebook.com

Dear Facebook,
After my first love, MySpace, passed away into the lonely despair of irrelevance, I found you. My friends told me about you, and how easy you were to get along with. Through a short conversation, we were able to get to know each other. I figured out that your clean, white exterior was no facade, and that you were actually quite easy to get along with.
You didn’t even try to hide me from my friends, but instead showed me that we could still talk to each other, and from even greater distances thanks to you. For the first time in my life I felt like a digital entity fully understood me as a person. You even remembered my birthday, and reminded all of my friends so that they could send me birthday wishes!
Things were going well, and I visited you every day to see what you were up to. Then, I began to feel it. On my profile hung the lonely, isolated word. I could hide it from everyone else, but it ached me to read it. In the digitally isolated world of the internet, there was no one who could fix my seemingly permanent condition. I was single, and you had a bad habit of reminding me how lonely I truly was.
Every day I logged in, I saw the happy faces of couples who recently became “in a relationship” or “engaged” or “married”…and the world rejoiced at their happiness! Though I had no problem with their relationships, I wanted one of my own.
I searched through many avenues, some of which were recommended by you, but no one could ever win my heart. I should’ve known you wanted me for yourself. You heard me Facebook. You enjoyed my single condition because you wanted me to spend all of my time taking your quizzes, or buying cows for your little animated farms but enough is enough!
I did enjoy the many hours spent playing your silly games, but there is now something truly greater at stake. You know what I’m talking about. You witnessed it’s development, and let it happen without mentioning a word of your bitter jealousy.
You were so proud to display my “single” status all over the internet, but when I met her, your attitude changed. You were distant, dragging your feet to load even the simplest page. Looking at her pictures made you cringe as you brought them up as slowly as possible. I knew something was suspicious.
You even managed to talk my friend, Droid, into causing me problems. As we talked, you kept up your antics til that faithful day. Yes, Facebook, I knew I was going to date her! You apparently knew it too.
I pulled out my phone, and changed my status for the first time in years, and changed my relationship status from single, to “in a relationship.” All she had to do was accept it, and the world would know of our developing relationship! But no…you had other plans.
Hours passed, and I noticed that no one seemed to care. I saw my status, and so did she. What had happened? Had my friends abandoned all hope for me? I wondered if people had simply given up on me as my status sat lonely, with no likes…or comments. But, I found the culprit, you sneaky, digital Delilah.
By digging into the archives of my personal profile information, I found one phrase that completely flipped my world. It said, “only by me”. Why the heck would I change my relationship status and want it viewed only by ME?! I growled as I slid my finger down the screen, and changed it to public. A smile stretched across my face as I saw the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Sadly, the light was further away than I thought.
I checked back on my wall, and there was still nothing. My status was barren…and then I knew the truth. You intentionally hid it. Suddenly, a brilliant idea hit my mind! I told my girlfriend that I was going to mark myself as single and then ask her again to be my girlfriend.
As I changed my status to single, you decided to take your chances. With a single, condescending message you said, “Would you like help breaking the news to her?” I froze at the screen…how dare you Facebook. I thought you were nice, but this has gone too far! You purposely hid my status and wanted me to break up with my girlfriend! I will still be around, but that was low. I still appreciate you for all you do Facebook, but you will never satisfy my heart.
I will still play games with you, laugh at your jokes, and chat with you, but you must understand that I’ve moved on. My loneliness is now cured by the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. So move aside Facebook, my status will no longer be single. I will no longer feel the agony of loneliness that accompanies your constant reminder of how emotionally alone I was. You can keep your cows and colorful candy pieces while I spend precious time with this amazing woman who’s relationship you could not stop
So goodbye single status, and hello my beautiful girlfriend.
Thanks for everything,
Jonathan Shuffler

Contact us

Name

Email *

Message *