The Danger of Dating Sites

Photo Credit: Clipart Library

Long before the days of my beautiful relationship, I was a lonely man looking for a feeling. My manly face and studly beard did nothing to attract the eyes of any local lady, so I decided to try something different. There were legends of couples who met magically through the portal of the internet. They smiled in each other's eyes, embracing with a tender touch, while swaying back and forth in a rhythm of romantic affection. As they kissed, the sun set behind them in the middle of a beautiful meadow, and an oddly placed bright white text appeared in the grass beneath their feet advertising the site from which they met. This was it.

After feeling the sudden urge for romance, I decided to sign up for that site. I logged in my credentials, uploaded the most attractive picture of myself I could find, and answered every question they assaulted me with. With each click of the mouse I felt more confident. How could someone not be attracted to me? I was someone with a steady job, clean, no kids, no smoking, available transportation, loyal, friendly, funny, handsome. According to my profile I was the most eligible bachelor. With that thought a smile stretched across my face as I clicked the final button.

There I was, ready to throw my line into the giant lake full of available, beautiful fishes. Within minutes I found a profile I found attractive, and sent a friendly message. I leaned back in my chair as the site loaded. So...it's not instant messaging? I thought to myself as the screen continued to load. I'm fine with email. If it helps me find someone, then sure. I will go the slower route. Why is this taking so long?

After a few, painstaking moments, the truth dawned on me. I wasn't sending a message at all. My letter of love was being smacked against a pay wall. The site mocked me, and sent me a small message in the middle of the screen. Nice message you got there Jonathan...but I can't let you send it. For a small sum of $9.99 a month, I can let this little love letter pass. Deal?

My message was being held hostage by a maniacal little website claiming that it was free. A growl escaped my gut. Apparently, it was free for paying members to send YOU messages, but to respond to their call you had to pay the programmer. Great, I thought to myself as I remembered the ad. It was all lies! Was love worth putting a price on? Could you really market off of loneliness?

How could a company charge you just for a CHANCE at finding true romance? Then I realized something...what about apps on the phone? Could there be a free dating app? Eureka! With a sudden rush of energy I downloaded two apps and started my search. With a little message here, and a small greeting there, I was on my way to success. Girls started responding and I felt proud. I was the king of this jungle, the biggest fish in the pond as girls continued messaging me left and right, wanting to meet, get coffee, go to movies. For a brief few weeks I felt important.

But, there was an inescapable emptiness in it all. After each date, I felt a deeper longing for the right girl. With each undeserved kiss, I began to feel more desperate inside. Nothing I did could bring feeling to my broken heart as I started planning multiple dates in a week, trying my best to find the right person, and having to deal with the heartache of letting ladies know that their feelings were unmatched by my own.

Then, a realization hit me. None of them loved me. With each date I realized that their views of me were shallow at best, and at worst exploitative. I may have been the king of the jungle, but I never realized that they were looking for someone new to join their circus. They tried cracking their whips at my wounded soul but with each attempt I left them empty handed, barely escaping with what was important to me. My desperation was leading to depression, and I thought all hope was lost.

I started realizing patterns in speech. Girls were starting to repeat themselves and I noticed that a lot of them wanted similar things from me, which I was not willing to give. Soon, I frequented the sites less often, and eventually I disappeared from the digital dating arena to focus on other things that were more productive. So what if I don't find a girlfriend? I thought to myself. It isn't the end of the world. I'll just be a happy single guy who learns to enjoy life. But still, there was something missing.

Well, technically someone. I sat in my room thinking about my life, and the weeks I wasted trying to become that dream couple on that ad. I almost gave up on trying to find love, until she showed up. Out of nowhere, I met a wonderful woman. She had beautiful brown eyes, round cheeks, and a smile that could light the world. There was something different with her, I thought to myself.

I was able to be my quirky, eccentric self and she still respected me. With each passing moment I felt us drawing closer, but fear tried it's best to set in. No. She is scarier than the rest. Either this is really love, or she is the best con artist I had ever laid eyes on. As time passed, I realized that the beauty of her innocence shone through in her expression of love to me. It was simple, pleasant, and without ulterior motive. This was real, true love.

After that first moment of realization, my life has never been the same. The dating sites were just a reminder that my heart was worth more than simple smooches and false expression of affection. It hurt from the pain of past experience, but this girl showed me emotion beyond any I've felt before.

Dating sites are not inherently bad, but can be breeding pools for broken hearts. When surfing through the ocean of dating sites available to you, make sure to keep one thing in mind. You are worth more than any one experience, deserve more than to be used by a pretty face, and there is a beautiful person waiting for those of you who are willing to stay strong.

And to my wonderful girlfriend, who helped me learn a lot about myself, and about the true nature of romance, thank you. You are a truly amazing, beautiful person. <3