Psst. Hey. You there. Yes, you. Come here. Let me tell you a secret. Actually, let me first give you a name to address me by, then the secret, as long as you keep a secret about my name. Promise? Okay. Good, we are getting somewhere. I'm Bartholomew.
I'm a professional thinker, genius, and gentleman. My humility is also one of the best qualities about me, in case you didn't notice. Did you notice? Of course you did. Now, back to the matter at hand. You started reading this post and are more than likely a little bit lost at this point. I don't blame you. If I were reading this blog post right now I'd be lost too, but no worries. I'm giving you a tour. A tour of what? Well, of Jomishu of course! It's the only city I know in and out. So let's begin uptown and go down main street.
First off, I must tell you about Harriet and Barnabes. You see, Harriet lives in the high rise at the top of Jomishu. She's right above Face Place, which is one of the premier locations at Jomishu. With her wonderful touch, she manages to clothe the entirety of Jomishu in follicle gardening. It's quite impressive if you ask me. Even if you don't ask me it's still impressive. I'm getting distracted.
Sometimes she employs the help of Susan to help trim the gardens, but most of the time she doesn't need to. The residents of Jomishu like the gardens to be thick and full of life. It adds value to the property ya know? I'm sure you can understand that.
So what of Barnabes? Good question. Barnabes and Harriet have a complicated relationship, and is one that I generally try to leave myself out of. It all happened about eleven years ago, when Harriet and Barnabes first met. He came into town during the Great Puberty, which lasted for about three or four years. During that time, Harriet was having trouble providing enough follicle foliage for the entirety of the city, and was being blamed by the EMS (Emotion Management System).
According to the EMS and HC (Hormonal Control), she was failing at her job, and life was terrible. She became frustrated, especially when the invasion of the goo goblins infected Face Place, and she was being blamed for that too. Apparently, when some of the goo goblins were eradicated, traces of her work were found within their insides. Therefore, the EMS and HC blamed her for feeding the goblins. She got so mad that she called it all a bunch of zit. After the initial shock of her verbal slip, the name stuck for the gooey critters. They've been called zits ever since. Please pardon my language, but it is part of our cities history.
Harriet was about to give up her job entirely, until Barnabes arrived. She instantly fell in love as he walked into town with his strong, muscular figure. His voice deeply resonated a sense of inner confidence that she had never heard before. The EMS and HC warned her of Barnabes, saying that he was a rival to her, and that she should stick to gardening on top of Scalp Hill and across the rest of the body. Face Place needed to be cleaned from the zit infestation that she had apparently contributed to.
Upon hearing the suggestion, Barnabes laughed and said he'd take over Face Place so that she could focus on her duties atop the hill. Harriet was relieved. With a long sigh, she gave over Face Place to Barnabes in a legal contract, saying that he had reign over certain areas of Face Place, as long as it did not interfere with the other residents. He agreed to the terms and started his work. Within weeks other cities marveled at his exceptional skill of gardening.
Not only were there brown follicles, but there were red ones, and black ones, and even white ones, which only a seasoned master can normally accomplish. White follicles are normally produced by skilled craftsmen who have been part of their city for at least fifty years. Not in Jomishu. Barnabes managed to create white follicles within such a short amount of time that more people paid attention to his work than to Harriet's.
This made her jealous. Her love for him was squashed by a sudden, irrational hatred. She had been hard at work for over a decade, but one man took away her glory in only a few weeks. Harriet had enough. She stormed down to Face Place from her hilltop manor and demanded that Barnabes be gone. He smirked and showed her a different contract, one that she had no part in. Without her knowing, he had signed a contract with HC allowing him to have permanent residence.
Hormonal Control stated that his work drew the attention of other cities, which helped to generate TSTR-1. TSTR-1, Barnabes explained, is how other cities get founded. Without it, all of the cities would die. Therefore, he was essential to their survival. With a brief smirk and a cocky turn of the head, he walked away and planted more gardens.
And, as you can see, the gardens are still operational. Sadly, Harriet and Barnabes no longer talk to each other. In fact, they even use different people to help trim the gardens. Harriet uses Susan, who comes in every few weeks to trim the gardens, while Barnabes uses Robert, who has an appointment almost every day. Some people believe that Barnabes is using TSTR-1 to illegally feed his gardens in Face Place, but that's none of their business. As long as he makes Jomishu look good, I don't care how he feeds his gardens.
Of course, his gardens are only part of Face Place, and the story behind Barnabes and Harriet are all I have time to tell you on this tour. What? You wanted a citywide tour? That is impossible. If I were to give you a citywide tour of Jomishu, it'd take you hours, and frankly, I cannot talk for that long without getting fatigued. I'll tell you what, since you've been such a good sport about this whole endeavor, and haven't bothered to ask me even one question or interrupt even once, I will give you the rest of the tours for free. No extra charge. Just come back and I'll show you every nook and cranny of this city I call home.
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