At first, I was optimistic about this piece of film. It was a pg-13 sinbad movie from a little known studio that only lasted 1 hour and 19 minutes. Short, sweet, and to the point. The only problem was that it was sweet because it was short, and there was no point to be made.
It was as if the coffee boy delivering the script dropped all the pages, and because they didn't have the time or budget to put them back together, or to print out another copy, they just stated hurriedly, "We'll just shoot it this way!"
That is why the film started at the climax, went to the middle of the movie, explained why the middle of the movie was happening, then sprinkled in some random scenes completely irrelevant to everything else that was happening, then explained why the irrelevant scenes had to take place because...well they just had to.
Sinbad is like a piece of abstract art. The longer you watch it, the less you understand what exactly you're watching. Throughout the movie I tried to reason with myself, and beg the movie to please explain itself to which it replied, "Don't worry...we are about to have some character development around a campfi...GIANT CRAB ATTACKS! EVERYONE DIES! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!"
It was so busy trying to throw in as many monsters as possible that the plot failed to develop any characters, except Sinbad (who was being called Saunbad like someone was trying to explain their negative experiences at a sauna in broken English), who told weird diddly poems to the love of his life that didn't rhyme or make any sense whatsoever, yet she fell for them because her script told her to.
As the film progressed, I had to play detective and try to put together the separated pieces of script because the movie itself failed to weave them together for me, like an arrogant seamstress that insists that my shirt is supposed to be five clashing colors when all I wanted was someone to sew up a hole in my white tshirt.
So this is what my brilliant detective mind could deduce in a few short points.
- Sinbad loved the princess, but he couldn't marry her because he was not royal blood.
- The Sultan was so threatened by this fact that he offered to pay Sinbad not to love her, and was willing to pay him five times the amount of gold that would be rewarded to whoever killed him...so he was paying Sinbad to eliminate himself?
- The Sultan also gave an option to marry the daughter, but if he did, the Sultan would decapitate him immediately afterwards.
-When crafting a villain, make sure to tell the actor to draw out the vowels in their words. (My favorite line being, "Saunbad! You have the lives of a caaaaaaaaaaaaattttt..." Seriously, it was stupid lol.)
-The monsters were thrown in...well I never quite understood why 90 percent of them were there. The villain even had a pet DRAGON that never got any screen time beyond being chained to a tree stump.
- Also, make sure to kill off the crew, then bring them back after you thought they were dead, only to kill them off again...or maybe it was a past event, and they actually survived and then the other event took place after...but then she was already dead....never mind I give up.
- The Sultan was so threatened by this fact that he offered to pay Sinbad not to love her, and was willing to pay him five times the amount of gold that would be rewarded to whoever killed him...so he was paying Sinbad to eliminate himself?
- The Sultan also gave an option to marry the daughter, but if he did, the Sultan would decapitate him immediately afterwards.
-When crafting a villain, make sure to tell the actor to draw out the vowels in their words. (My favorite line being, "Saunbad! You have the lives of a caaaaaaaaaaaaattttt..." Seriously, it was stupid lol.)
-The monsters were thrown in...well I never quite understood why 90 percent of them were there. The villain even had a pet DRAGON that never got any screen time beyond being chained to a tree stump.
- Also, make sure to kill off the crew, then bring them back after you thought they were dead, only to kill them off again...or maybe it was a past event, and they actually survived and then the other event took place after...but then she was already dead....never mind I give up.
I would not recommend this movie to anyone who wants to keep whatever sanity they have. But, if you are like me and want to have a crazy, insane evening of laughing and questioning why you're watching what you're watching, then by all means be my guest and watch this weird, deformed piece of abstract cinema.
You will never see Saunbad again...I mean Sinbad...*cough*
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